Thank you for sharing your story and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. There are so many parallels that I was able to relate to.
What happened in the past should never be about regrets. Acceptance of what happened and not being regretful is a great place to be. Next hopefully comes taking back the control about your life and letting go of the past.
This part has been the most challenging for me. It's been 7 years that my relationship ended, and still to this day I find myself thinking back to those days practically daily. Sometimes I feel lost and sometimes I feel strong. Sometimes I feel I miss him - which is very difficult to even admit to myself given the realities - but it's not HIM that I miss, I miss what I thought he was and what I thought our relationship was. The lies and the secrets and the infidelities all came out 14 years into our marriage and it took me still years after that to accept how I was emotionally abused, gaslit, manipulated and used. By the very person I thought was always by my side and had my back...
I digress - the point is to be emotionally comfortable and self-confident enough to live every day for yourself after this. Be happy, and know that you deserve every bit of everything you want and desire. You're worth it. Your experiences have only made you stronger so you can lift others up too. Thank you again for sharing!!